Party time

i went out with tash and uni friends to grace's 18th last night. It was actually quite fun, fun until the end.

It was fun meeting all her friends and taking all those photos with friends and especially with Tash. I love photos, i keep photos of me and tash on my fone >< Yeh it seems like glen was pretty out of what was doing last night. Negative points for him. I think eddie was being a bit harsh to him, i feel sorry for him now hahaha. It was funny how at korean bbq Glen ordered a 'number 69' bbq dish, where he said his not sharing it, and its just for himself. The plate came and it was just 2 slice of meat! LMAO! i was like to glen 'if thats not enough u can eat some of our meat too' his was like thats ok.... Oh man too funny.... then when chris said something about how Space is such a shit club, glen replied 'spain? who went to spain?' lollllll then chris said in korean to grace 'that is retarted' then eddie heard and LOL too! then he told me wat chris just said hahahaha. Ahwellz poor glen, he gets along with sara pretty well keke. I dont know what everyone is saying about dennesque and sara... i did not see anything going on? I didnt know sara was dennesque type of girl? lol ahhhh that was the fun time of the day. Now for the shit one

Well i didnt know 3 drinks can put an 18 year old girl down hahaha. Tash and grace was just all over the place, and causing a scene, but i didnt mind, cuz i was there to take care of them. I wanted to help tash and stuff, but her friend already was taking care of her, so i helped her carry her stuff.

I didnt know that tash and grace would talk this much wen they are drunk lol they say alot of stuff >< At the station, i saw dirty old men checking tash's legs whenever we walked past them. I felt that tash was in danger, i was protecting them both. Then Clarrissa told me that she was being followed by one of them, I was really worried too! Anyways at the bar, wen we were drinking tash was like "you like tracy, he likes tracy!" but i told her that i dont, and nothings going on between us anymore. She wouldnt believe me. bleh, tash doesnt even know that I'm "trying" to be there for her. Why trying? cause im always trying to contact her, see her, msg her, always end up not happening. I tried calling her today at 1:30pm to see if she was at uni, her fone was switched off.....i really hate it when that happens, maybe i should go get an optus sim....

Last night she called somebody in the car, next to me while her dad was taking me back home. I asked her who it was, she wouldnt tell me. Then she said sara, but i think thats a lie. Im pretty sure of it, and it was probably a guy. I think this is the first time she lied to me, must be a guy she likes.... I got really pissed off when she lied to me. I couldnt sleep properly, just things on my mind, and u know how alcohol makes u depressed if u think about depressed stuff. I woke up at 4am cause i was still half drunk and not being able to sleep, and laid in bed till 6am. I msged her cuz i still have thingso n my mind, but i wasnt expecting her to call me back, probably sound as sleep as i assumed. I really didnt mean to send her those messages >< but i told her i know she lied to me.

Im just so confused what natasha wants at times, what are you thinking?

the right direction, mind is clearing

ok im really sad atm. I cant study all week, couldnt concentrate and things like that. Sighzzzzzzzz

its 1:40am i can't sleep, only thinking about the things i chosed to do.

Feelings are awkward with tracy, never really got along with her, but we got close pretty quickly maybe cuz she engages alot and sms me all the time. I only known her for 2 weeks! and i hardly know her or find her interesting beside that she's a lil cute looking and playful. I think if she looked different i wouldnt even go for her. Personality is just not right for me and the things she's into and her standards etc etc.

Now i regret what i did. Tash really minds that im stuck between 2 people i like. Well now im pretty sure i wont be going for Tracy anymore. Im gonna leave it at that. We would just be friends. You see my gut feeling always pointed to Tash, but she felt somewhat distant cuz she never messages me or calls me up often, like tracy did. I keep thinking Tash isnt interested in me.

I think i know what to do now... But im having these thoughts just before my exam! i cant even concentrate sighzzzzz. I shouldnt even be thinking about girls atm, until things are over. Every night i think about natasha. heh doubt she thinks about me =p

I dont really care if tash reads this now, i guess she can understand me more from reading this maybe?

Im so excited, i asked tash to dinner on saturday, and she said she can go. Hopefully she can go and wont dog it =p We are also celebrating grace's bday on thursday so fun fun fun. Hopefully i can get my assignment done before i can have fun cuz its due on friday! >_<

The other day was quite fun shopping with tash for grace's present and her camera. She bought a new camera 1040 olympus, i bet ya she's having so much fun with that thing lol, probably gonna take luvos and put it all on facebook. She promised me that i will be the first person she will take a photo with, thats going to be nice lol.

confession...

we went to yumcha, and watched a movie at my place today.

Then i confessed to her about my feelings and why im confused about our relationship. She keeps saying she wants to be best friends with me, but the thing is i really like her. Best friends arent suppose to like each other right? But i still care about her and i would talk to her about anything.

I think she was confused about wat we talked about. But thats fine. She told me i did make her jealous and it did work the other day... She told me she likes me, but i dont know if she still does or not. I need to know......

I am happy and sad

ok the past several days has its ups and downs.

Natasha was sad, I was out, received her message on msn but closed it by accident, but i knew it was important because it was kinda long and it was an offline message. So wen i got home i called her up, to see wat was wrong.

She told me for the past few days alot of guys have been leaving her life. Her boyfriend, glen, and eddie. I feel sorry for her, she then asked if I would be her good friend no matter what, and i quickly said yes of course. I felt the need to look after her and cheer her up, cause she's so lonely. I always cared about her.

Well we talked and talked, she got really happy and opened up when she talks to me. She also promised to go out with me to yumcha to fulfill my dreams (referred previous post), then come back to my place to watch a movie. THen on friday we would go luna park at night and drink. She said she wanted to buy a new camera for herself and presents for grace at parra. So gonan go shopping on friday at parra with her and then go back to my place to charge the battery then go luna park =)

Im really happy, but i still need to know whether she wants to be just friends with me, or she wants me to wait a bit? or she actually likes me still? Im so confused but i need to know!

Lyrics; Phantom Planet - Always on my mind

Edit: i found this song just before i made this blog, came across it by accident and i realised the lyrics are great, describes exactly what goes thru my mind.

Always On My Mind

Everybody in this place can up and move away
For all I care this town's already dead and empty
I'm told that I'm a victim of obsession
That's what my friends say
Oh I'm a fool for having ever let her tempt me

Well I turn pale when she walks by
I am lost in her eyes
She is always on my mind
She is always on my mind

She glances over but she keeps on walking down that street
All I can do is hope that she is thinking of me
If I could blink if I could breathe If I could get my legs to move
Well this could be the day I get this girl to love me

Well I turn pale when she walks by
I am lost in her eyes
She is always on my mind
She is always on my mind
She had turned from a sound,
Well I must have cried out loud
She is always on my mind
She is always on my mind

Confused feelings

I called her today, i asked if she wanted to watch a movie with me at my place, she declined, but she told me she had to do something important.

She told me she wanted to call me yesterday after we hung up the 3 way with grace. But she thought i was going to talk to grace instead, so she didnt call me back.

Last night all she did was call glen and talked to him till about 9:30pm then her boyfriend called. She told me she wanted to break up with him, i was kind of surprised but relief, i didnt expect her to do it this soon.... I dunno if im selfish or not, but im kinda happy but confused at the same time...

Yeh she said i dont talk to her anymore or something, but i always call her out and stuff but she only talks to me like 10mins on the fone or decline my invites. Sighz. But she told me to come lazer skirmish on wednesday, friday would be luna park, and she said she's free just for me on thursday. I cant wait! i havnt seen her for a week already, i thought i was going to see her... and i really miss her. But i dont think she knows how much i miss her, probably thinks i dont care.

She told me she really hates official relationships, she told me she will have more fun in an unoffical relationship, a loyal one, but not locked up or being too dedicated to someone. She doesn't like players, she thought she was a player at one stage, but i told her she wasnt. I think she knows i have a thing for her by now, i wish i knew what she was thinking! Thats why i am so confused. But i think on her mind now, she's just trying to break up for now...

I want to know more about her, care, protect and comfort her. She's a lonely girl... and i want to be her man...

Updates

i havnt blogged in a while, because i decided to settle down and go with the flow. I told her truthfully she is totally my type of girl and she is a potential and that i care about her. But also told her i wouldnt do anything yet cuz she still has a bf.

She knows how i feel, and i think she feels the same way too.

Last night i was a bit drunk and i was talking to her, but she said i was a bit mean to her wen i talked to her. I really didnt mean it. Maybe i care about her too much?

Today i called her, as soon as i told her im gonna go dinner soon, she got really pissy and jealous, and then said i never talk to her and dont care about her anymore. And then she brought up how she talks to Glen, just to try to make me jealous. Straight after that convo she sent me a msg, saying that im so slack dont care anymore and 'go have fun without me'. At that moment i felt really blessed. A warmth feeling flowed thru me, it shows that she cares and is a bit jealous, cuz i told her im gonna go with this other girl last night to dinner. I replied by promising her that i will make it up to her.

I really really do miss her every night and want to see her also. I havnt seen her since monday! Today is a saturday night and she's at home all alone cant go out. =( I feel like hugging her but i cant, maybe i should go give her a surprise visit at night in front of her house.... =p

Day of Boredom

i waited and waited, i found things to distract my mind, it was a very boring day. She was busy doing her uni work and i didnt wanna bother her.

I told her this morning that i had a dream about eating peking duck and green tea ice cream with her. But funny thing was i had a dream that i was with her in iron chef restuarant.

Funnily enough, i didn't even know we were going to iron chef resturant tonight to celebrate my mum's bday. We got there, then my parents ordered peking duck, and i checked the menu to see if they have green tea ice cream, and they do! I cant believe i had a dream about it, and then dream half came true, only thing missing was her.

She replied back after i told her about my dream, she said 'dreams never come true', apparently it half did keke.

So i got back and as promised we talked on the phone, cleared up some social dilemmas like we had over the umberella issue. Also taught her some social rules haha, sighz girl school influence. After 30mins told me she had to go and do her speech due tomorrow, so i let her go do her stuff.

I found out that she doesnt even talk to her close friend or hang out with her friends from school. She told me she kinda lost them all and wants to be close with all her uni friends or work friends which would last longer or 'forever'. I guess maybe thats why she's close to me...

Dreams and sleep

I slept late last night, struggled to sleep till pretty late, just reflecting things that happened that day.

I woke up early this morning by a dream i had about her. It was a dream of me and her eating her favourite dish at this restaurant. It was peking duck, and also had her favourite green tea icecream for dessert. =)

I told her i was woken up by a dream about her. I wonder what she will say back....

Day ends with a phone call...

0o0o im so happy.

I smsed her asking whether or not she got wet, because as she got out of my car, she stepped into a puddle. I was bored so msged her if she got soaked.

next minute i get a phone call, picked it up and thought it was another one of my annoying relatives. A small voice whispers and says hello. I noticed that voice was her! I was too shocked to say anything, and told her i was really surprised because i was full talking about her before this and even made a blog about it haha.

Anyways chatted for 15mins, she seems pretty interested to me, but i dont know if its just me....
Hung up cause she had to go sleep, but she promised to call tomorrow.

I will be waiting. =p

First time to go out with just her...

I msged her last night invited her to come shopping with me for new clothes and the rest follows.

EDIT: This might not make any sense. it is a brief account of what happened.

Ok beginning was good, ending was good, but the middle was a guy's worst nightmare
it was suppose to be 1 on 1, wen i picked her up
she was like oh glen called me to go movies so i told him to join us, 'you dont mind right???' was wat she said
yeh
and then had fun shopping with her had lunch, shared a subway, talked heaps, took her to hen and chicken bay, walked along the water
sat down on the bench and talked
until the glen called said his at the movies waiting for us =(
got back
watched this horror movie called the uninvited
i dunno if it was shit or maybe it was just me
anyways the guy was sitting next to her and so was i
then he was like 'oh you scared? wanna hug?' he made a move and hugged her thru out the whole movie
so i kept checking my watch
seeing wen it would finish
and i think i was toooooo angry to be even scared by the movie
so it was so shit
and near the end of the movie
they swapped seats so i was next to glen and she was on the other side
dunno, maybe she had a sore neck?
that made me feel even worst
then yeh, glen was suppose to catch a bus home, but he wouldnt leave until he has walked her back to my car in the carpark
usually you would leave wen one goes carpark and one goes busstop right?
lol
yeh and then i had a talk with her in the car
and i go i think he likes you
and then she told me she only sees him as a girlfriend or big bro
and yeh
i gave her alll these hints that i like her thru out the convo
but i duno if she picked it up or not

Yeh i made her a cd last night, gave it to her. I also got out of the car when it was raining to run back in to get her the log book she wanted to borrow. She asked if i was wet, i said yes, then she got tissues and tried drying me while i drive, at that time i wanted to grab her hands....

Anyways thats it, drove her home and had a positive chat.

New blog to vent my feelings!

This blog was intended to type out my feelings and daily emotions over the girl i really like, because I cannot take it anymore by just keeping it to myself.

Time to vent, and tell the story of my feelings and life around her.